The first sentence is always hard
Having to type the same post thrice wasn’t just a mere case of bad coincidences or bad luck. It probably started from how my first post got erased, since that was why I was typing it for the second time which then led to the unenthusiastic third time. But it was a long story and the few things it did effectively was made 3 people angry and frustrated, erase the first post, and eventually lead to the point where I realised two things:
Number 1:
I don’t understand why so many ’adults’ or ‘grown ups’ cannot stand that someone else is right. I added those inverted commas because being middle age doesn’t necessarily make you an adult, you can be 4234823 years old and still be as immature and childish as the next hormonal teenage kid, and a 7 year old can be even more mature and accepting than someone who claims that they have blahblahblah years of experience under their belt. So I guess I think that adulthood is a mindset.
And if you don’t agree with that, you definitely have to agree with this. Adulthood is just a phrase. A PHRASE, GET IT? Because if adulthood is determined by age, then you simply GROW OUT OF IT. Just like how when you’re __teen years old and feeling angsty and angry at every single thing and everything seems so fucked up and you don’t know what to do with your life and then people are saying that “It’s just a phrase”. THAT PHRASE. And then you progress towards adulthood, and you probably think that you are always right and cannot bring yourself to apologise to someone younger or ‘lower’ than you are and vent your frustrations from work at someone else (even if you don’t realise because you always think it’s that person who made you angry) and always thinking you are being underpaid. Age holds nothing. “You’re just going through a phrase!”
Number 2:
It’s strange how you can share the same blood, look remotely alike, live under the same roof for 344324328 years and still feel like you don’t belong at all. You just simply don’t understand why they are doing things they are doing. It’s confusing. It’s annoying. And when things happen, you still don’t understand why they needed to have happened at all.
And even stranger still is that something can happen the day before, or just a while ago and it’s soso serious that it makes you hate the person so much you don’t understand why you are related to that person, makes you think how to get the hell out of there, makes you feel so freaking angry and upset that you’re THIS close to hyperventilating that you cannot fall asleep or do anything. But when you wake up the next morning after finally managing to sleep, the only thing in your mind is how to react and act around that very person that caused your insomnia and then you finally see that person and suddenly everything’s alright and normal like nothing happened before.
By now, I do realise that people who reads this tumblr and knows me in real life might be thinking ‘this girl is THAT girl?!!’ I’m kind of aware how different I present myself but it simply doesn’t make sense if I’m going to act like this in real life. Simply not practical. But half the time I think most when I’m out and about rather than sitting in front of the computer and staring at this page that I am staring at right now. Maybe that’s why I’m always so distracted. Also, it frustrates me to no end when people keep telling me to ‘Chill lar’ or ‘Why are you so angry/serious’ whenever I try to get my thought across. Somehow there’s always this preconception that thinking means that you are serious/stiff/no fun. Shouldn’t it be that I’m probably marginally less stiff than everyone else how I’m slightly more open to thinking? And I’m hardly that serious because my best thoughts come when I’m doing whatever I’m supposed to be doing.
Wow. This is long. Is it good?
