I hate how much I hate you

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. That’s the harshest thing that someone could feel towards another person - the complete elimination or dismissal of another person’s existence. I wish I could do this to you, but this strong hate and disapproval of what you do (that I’m feeling) makes it impossible. It must be blood ties we have that have brought me to this point whereby I cannot simply ignore and just have to keep seeing and knowing what you are doing (or not doing). I really hate it (and you). Your broken family, your homeless situation, your meagre income; all of these you had brought upon yourself, and yet you still lie there and idle your time away every single day, you still smile and sound so happy when that third person calls. I wish I can rip that smile off your face. You broke up a family, you cost someone his father, you made so many people disappointed but I don’t see the any shred of regret or guilt that should be pressing so hard on you. You take advantage that there are people who shares the same blood as you do; you bathe in their house, you cook using ingredients inside their fridge, you take up somebody’s seat at the couch, you eat but never clear up, you watch drama serials online using their wireless. Do you really think preparing a single dinner in return would make up for anything? It doesn’t. I want to yell at you, to scream at you, to chase you away from the place I come home to and I cannot because despite how judgmental they can be, despite how ignorant they can be, despite how obstrusive they can be, to them, a family stays family. It’s the very reason why I have to love these very people so much, it’s the very reason why no matter how big a quarrel could be we could still get back on talking terms, it’s also the very reason why I hate you so much, because. you. are. family. I wish you weren’t.